5 years ago I was in the madness of tending to a one month old.  I was new, naive, and overwhelmed about how much this little life needed so much of me.  On June 2, 2015 I held the same little girl who took my breath away.  Only this time, my tears were not of "how do I do this?", but of a sense of pride I never thought was imaginable.  You see, my little girl accepted her diploma for surviving Pre-K.  Yes, that's it.  She successfully participated in a moment of time that encouraged her more deeply to learn her colors, numbers, and letter sounds, and to put those sounds together and make words.  She cemented how to write her name more clearly and how to spell her friends names.  Pre-K, my little one finished Pre-K.  (sort of makes my ovary hurt)

Her life took another turn on me right before my eyes.  I watched as my little girl gathered all her friends and was this miraculous social butterfly.  She hugged and greeted all her friends by name.  She looked for them eagerly if they stepped away.  My, little girl embracing the relationships she has formed.  It was awesome to see in such a short time frame how she blossomed into having so much charisma, intelligence, and love.  Time, where do you go?  I repeat.

I've become one of those people, who is reflecting on the phrase "Time goes by fast, enjoy all the moments."  I read that countless times and now I feel like I've become one of "those" who want to urge everyone else to partake in those words that hold so much depth and meaning, and yet time.  I've learned, I'm always in a race, a race with myself, a race with my life, a race with each day.  For 60 months I've raced, I've fed, I've bathed, I've hugged, I've sang, I've talked, I've played.  Today, I realize, those moments were in the palm of my hand.  I loved those moments.  I love the silent giggles, the "I love you mama", the silly phrases of "No, I'm yours.  No, you're mine."  The little girl who would give anything to fall asleep on my shoulder.  Wow.  Moments.  Fleeting moments.  The depth of my love, does she understand, will it ever be cemented as deeply as I feel?

I remember the pain of losing my mom. I watch the years of my life go by and have to stop and catch my breath.  THIS is what it felt like.  THIS is what it means.  THIS is what it feels like to think you're failing everyday, only to find out love is like that.

Happy Birthday, Olivia!

 Olivia Turns 5!

1….2…3….4…5…. Just as quick as that 2015 has arrived.  You, my daughter, are turning five in less than 24 hours.  It’s amazing to see the little girl you are becoming.  You are strong.  You are brave.  You are a leader.  Every year layers of you emerge as you begin to transition from mama’s baby girl to a little girl all your own.  You certainly have your own idea of how things should be or the outcomes that should exist.  However, sometimes, my dear, you get them wrong.  Together, we are learning to communicate, to exist, and to grow.  You know exactly what you want, and I know exactly what you need and luck would have it those aren’t always the same.  As your journey around the sun for another year begins I have to admit that in five short years I have failed you many times.  Thank you for forgiving me.  I’m sure there will be many more times.

 I have the greatest responsibility to guide you, teach you, and love you unconditionally.  We have lots to learn, you and I.  Remember, this is my first rodeo.  You have challenged me.  You have certainly left me speechless.  However, you have made me smile more and laugh often.  You amaze me with your gifts of thoughtfulness and friendliness.  You have so much love inside that little body of yours. 

You know, this is THE year you have waited for.  The year you begin a “big” school.  My little one, you will begin to read more and write often.  You will begin to form opinions all your own and will see mine as useless and/or ridiculous.  I am not ready for this.  I am ready to see you become something great.  I am ready to cheer you on as you begin to pursue your passions. 

Olivia, for many reasons you are my everything.  Your countless “I love yous” are the beginning and end of all my days.  The need to be held or to be close to mom are something I always welcome.  As, I hold you now you don’t quite fit in my lap like you used to.  Your legs are longer and you hold on tighter.  YOU…are the best gift I’ve been given. 

Happy Birthday, Baby O.  Here’s to another year.

Love, Mom

One day at a time...

In efforts of capturing the precious moment of Olivia's life I must find more time to start a blog and share some of the special moments she has created in my life.  I mean, really who has pictures developed anymore with all this digital stuff we use?  I remember my own childhood with mounts of priceless pictures capturing my every occasion and O well, doesn't have many.  However, her life may fill up an external hard drive.

I am prompted to write about the few days in Abilene my little one and I experienced.  There wasn't some great moment that took place, but her love for "Barbie School" (Vacation Bible School).  Most importantly, she loved seeing her Aunt Alice and Uncle Danny there as she engaged in the evenings activities.

Day O she colored this backpack and this station took a long 20 minutes or so.  That we went through all the colors several times.  However, take note of the cute barrette,  Well, on one occasion to the potty she pulled off her name tag and somehow while lifting the name tag above her head this clip fell in the potty!  I wasn't fishing for it, so we flushed it away.  *insert Meltdown*  To divert I talked about how funny and silly that was,  Now, when you ask her what funny thing happened at Vacation Bible School she retells the story with such humor and grace.  Goodbye clip!

 Service is ending.  My cute little one is determined to take this hymnal home with her.  She is certain she NEEDS this book.  However, all the songs are in Spanish.  Said hymnal went home.

A moment when her growing up breaks my heart.  She leaves my side to catch up with the rest of her class.  

What I do know is that although Vacation Bible School was fun this smile:

Is a smile she made she she had when she saw Aunt Alice and Uncle Danny!  Thank you guys for a fun few days!!!!!

O turns 3!

She Turns 3!!

I finally find time to sit and publish O's letter.  She has grown so much this year and it ALL amazes me.  From her outgoing personality to determined spirit there is never a dull moment.  This kid, is seldom without spoken words whether it be endless chatter or singing she is for sure to give you an earful.  Her smile is to die for.

So, I begin....

Dear Baby O, 

You turned 3 faster than I could ever have imagined!!  From the fussy preemie  to this wonderful little girl full of personality.  Right before my eyes you have transformed into a little girl who uses sentences and silly names for words.  Your favorite things to do are play with babies or sing the same songs over and over and over and over again.  You can count to 20 in both english and spanish and your vocabulary is something to be impressed with.  Your once cute phrases of "Pucakes" for cupcakes and "O-ya-ya" for Olivia have disappeared solidifying your transformation into a sweet girl.  Now, we all know EXACTLY how you feel.  You have so much love in that little body of yours and I love to hear the endless laughter that pours from your soul.  You, my child, are the greatest miracle, EVER!

I guess in your own time you will learn how fast really does fly by.  You will once get to sit just like me with tears in my eyes as I recount all your firsts, and have a slight panic attack as there are more firsts to be had.  Your life is truly a blessing and I am thankful you are surrounded by countless people who love you and wish the very best for you.  I couldn't ask for a better group of friends.  

Not a day goes by that I don't remember the newborn baby girl I met for the very first time.  Never did I imagine at three how much joy and life you would have brought to my life.  You make me want to be a better person, you inspire to cherish every day.  And although, three is difficult at times I'm glad we have each other to get through it.  Happy Birthday, little one.  May your life be richly blessed as you bless others.

Love you, always.