Random

What can I say? I've taken the complete liberty of closing a door on life. A part that really, I have to snicker at, softly. There are so many things in this life that we can change. There are so many roads to travel and only one (YOU) can make those most of what you have. Every day this becomes a stronger lesson from the da before.
Its not often I sit and lament ver the losses that I've endured. Years ago, yes - I was drowing in my own tears and sadness trying to get through college, but nope not even those toughest moments could sway what I was supposed to become.
I knew at one interval I would eventually have to say goodbye to either one, but their loss has created a chain reaction of sorts. Discontentment..dischord...and yet I have to laugh because some people fail to stop and look at themselves in the mirror. They hold onto their own self -pity loathing in "my way is right."
I was having one of those conversations with another that creates a charge in thoughts and settles the reality. I was once convinced I was wrong, there were years upon years that I was wrong, that I was the bad one, and the one who would NEVER grow up. I was the one no one could appreciate because for some reason they couldn't look past themselves. I laugh hyseterically because how I was so blind to see that our lives are what we make of them and there is no set way to enjoy the life set before us.

For now...a life awaits me and I can't quite put these words in a phrases I can quite articulate. Laughter awaits me outside the office door. Happiness abounds as I'm faced and surrounded with people who would never give up, despite my tears of sorrow and the inability to stand on my two feet. If anyone knew the struggle I struggled with the last two years. I would never sleep. I lost 40 pounds and there were so many days I would walk into the classroom and lay on the floor and have my kids teach other. (Luckily for moments at a time I happened to be a damn good teacher who taught them real quick to be independent thinkers) I'm yet to figure out how my entire class passed the TAKS and I never spent thoughtful time in teaching. Some call it weakness. I call beating all odds because there were very few left. A little at a time...you really begin to see life take its shape. I don't have set family and kids to settle with and not face the harsh realtiy of loss. I don't have a family or kids to pour my life into while holding onto memories. Yet, I have a life far greater. I life wrapped in knowing, I had to struggle to let go, and now...today...they are so much happier.

Today, tomorrow.....everyday I think of them.