Monday, December 22, 2008

It's Christmas.

Wow. I've taken a break from spending Christmas alone to coming to a friend's house in Houston. A really great friend that I can truly say has always been there, to mostly laugh all the laughs and at times like yesterday to cry the tears that just can't help but fall.

You see, yesterday her family had a Christmas/celebration of her Grandmother's 90th birthday. They took Christmas photos and tears were quick to come. I stepped outside to just look up into the sky and cry. I felt like I could, I was away from everyone, but the Christmas photos were one tradition that always existed in the Garcia family. All the families lining up, and again, this year, I would ache a little more as I chose to surround myself in a new atmosphere. I dreaded the idea, but new I couldn't hide from the "hurt" forever. I hate remembering the reality, and I'm just so thankful it was a cry that only silent tears covered the surface of my face, and not tears that brought me to my knees. I had my moment while they were finishing up and proceeded back inside.

Well, inside I lost it again, they began to sing Happy Birthday. Man, to spend the many more birthdays my mom and grandma should have had, I just buried my face in my arm (like I had a headache), and let tears continue to fall. I watched this 90 year old's woman every move that morning. I watched her use her walker as she prepared hot tea for me. I watched her share a few laughs with me. I watched her eyes light up and the sight of her family altogether. I watched, and I imagined. She's a lucky lady. A lucky lady who deserved her 90th birthday to be exactly as it was: Perfect.

I don't feel "cheated" and I'm not angry, but I am sad. I am sad, as the season rolls around and there are countless things I see that I know that would make them all happy. This season is a difficult one.

I never realized how the ache of losing mom flows in an unsteady stream. Some moments are easier than others, and some are flat out difficult. With grandma, man I miss her. I miss having a grandma, and her voice. I miss those ladies. I want them to know that. It's almost reallly Christmas, and as I share a few more laughs with the people around me, know that I picture you in the room laughing a long just as well.

Love you.

I guess this is it, another rambling post with nothing great to say.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Just A Day

I'm still SICK! It has been forever. My fear is that it's going to turn into pnemonia (sp?) then what? Geez. It doesn't help that my whole class is sniffing and blowing. Yuck. I just still have this annoying cough, that's it. *sigh* I hate the idea of "sick."

I'm not sure what has prompted me to write today, here. Just cause I guess :) I have no useless knowledge to share, yet, but if I type randomly for awhile I bet something will come out.

Well, I do know I have some silent thoughts. For now, I will shield from them for a few days longer. It's the change in the air. The transition from summer to fall that some emptiness begins to settle. It comes with every season.

Waiting for the perfect words.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Sick?

I hate being sick. The whole ordeal puts a damper on my day. Misery. If I'm not coughing, I'm trying NOT to cough. It's a miserable cycle. Here's what I don't get. I finally break down and go to the Doc in a box. I at least wanted to half way have half a weekend. So, I proceeded and was seen by a doctor for less than 5 minutes. He listened with his stethoscope and rendered a diagnosis. "Bronchitis." Just cause he was so quick, I asked how he knew...something about how the air is moving. That was it. Nice. Then, I go to check out, without insurance it was 158.00. Can you believe that? Highway robbery, seriously. No wonder our health care premiums are outrageous. That's it a stethoscope and a diagnosis for 158.00. Someone is getting cheated.

Nevertheless, medicine manifests in my system, and I think I may be on the up and up. I hope anyway. My kids feel really sorry for me, and offer that i come to their house so their parents can give me medicine. Sweet, but annoying. After, having to say at least 20 times a day, I'll be fine. Hello, that "I'll be fine" just wasted 2 minutes of instruction time! :) It's a tight ship these days.

Well, for now, sadly that is all I know. I know the cowboys play tonight. I know that I left my sunglasses at Kohl's and they had not been returned. That's sad to me. So, off I go again to invest in another pair. Yep, keeping it simple, yet real.

Until next time.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Forever Friend

I've watched a viscious cycle take its toll on a faraway friend. As a bystander I have often held my breath and "hoped" for the best. No, that's a lie. I always hoped life would be easier and her search for happiness would not be in a human. That's what I intrinsically hoped for. She found God again, and started a fruitful relationship, I was hoping that was enough. With kids, and the idea of a family always has a nice ring, but the "baggage" (for lack of better words) is sometimes not worth the trouble. It seems her entire young adulthood has been a struggle. I hate that for her. Yet, I hope even know in the midst of heartache she is clining more tightly to HIS promise.

Thinking about ya, kid!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Labor Day weekend

I'm thankful that I was afforded this three day weekend. I mean, to not have to go to a place I am liking less and less - is a great feeling! However, the near future I will find myself back in a room number (I always forget), with 16 children who prefer to chatter unproductively than to listen. Let me tell ya, I had been spoiled the last two years. I had the opportunity to loop with my kids and they knew my expectations to the "T" and there wasn't any of this "unproductive" chatter. I'm not one to like a silent classroom, but there sure is a difference between productive talk and talking because one doesn't want to try. Nice.

I've yet to do much, and I'm leery that I only have one day off so now I'm having those "what should I have done" regrets. Basically the highlight was taking Milo to PetSmart to "FLOOD" his being with dogs to help ease his fear. And well, that wasn't so particulary fun, he barks and others quickly sweep up their dogs in their arms! He's afraid. He sounds like he's mean, but really his hair is standing up on his back. So, people there don't help much. In return, Milo will not learn as quickly becuase owners around him are sensing the fear. It's a viscious circle. Go figure, Harley is timid around people and Milo around dogs not people. Of course, my life would be complex.

So today, I might go to church. I always have good intentions, and those good intentions can sometimes well be just that. It's only 8:20 now and I have almost an hour and a half to change my mind. Unforutnately, that comes more often than not. I always do not have a good reason. LIke today, will be because I'm typing this blog and SHOULD be doing laundry or vaccuming. And well, those are far more important. So it seems. Then, sometimes at the very last moment I start playing the Wii, and then I just get into my game and well can't just get up and leave. There are lots of unknowns, but they get me everytime.

Now, I wonder if they are any good movies out, because that seems like a nice escape. Because of course, I'm always in search of something, and even when I think I have found what I'm looking for, I continue to search. Is the feeling unknown? I'm not sure what all this searching about, but indeed that's what it is. Fatigued. It's probably because its feeling lots of holes with the "wrong" stuff or thing (someone would argue). My mind is delving too deep and I could go off on another tangent soon, but I will refrain. Maybe another day.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Day #2

Ha! You have to be careful who reads this! Lots of speculation, I wonder if there lies guilt?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

You gotta love these!

*Two names you go by
1. Amy
2. Rios

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. tank top
2. adidas shorts

*Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. breakfast2. everyone knows this one about me...don't have to say it
2. For a clean house!


*Two things you ate today
I haven't. Prolly yogurt in a few minutes.

*Two people you last spoke to:
1. Mary
2. Ed

*Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. going to the gym
2. and praying the weekend doesn't come super fast!


*Two longest car rides:
1. Galveston!!
2. Abilene


*Two favorite beverages:
1. sweet tea
2. caramel java chiller
(Me too, Missy - or Einsteins bagels has a really good frozen coffee drink!!!)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do ... And please do not spoil the Fun. Copy and paste this to a new email, delete my answers, and type in your answers.Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Another Day in Hospice

I wrote this last summer as I was sitting at Hendricks on the Hospice floor once again.


I’m sitting here, again. The year 2007, and the situation is no different. It’s the same smile, the same pain, the same “look.” Cancer doesn’t change shape no matter whom it attaches itself to, it’s there mutating, claiming the life of the one who bears the pain. It’s with a heavy heart, I sit here, again. My mind has the same thought process. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? I’ve looked into the same pair of eyes claiming the want to end the pain. The comfort of “I love you” but…. The pain, the pain is far greater than I could ever fathom. It’s the third time I hear those words. It’s the same tears I’ve cried out of selfishness. Again, another tear. Again, another heavy heart that sits with silence. My heart pours onto this page, but there’s not much to say. There are words that cannot express what dwells deep into my soul. I think the plethora of thoughts exudes beyond the cries of my heart. The thought becomes deep within my soul. I, at this moment, am broken on the inside. What’s the difference? There’s not, it will happen every time death knocks on the door of someone I love. What could I have done different? I wasn’t good enough. I could’ve loved more. You know, those same plaguing thoughts that consume anyone. Then, there’s nothing about the present. I cannot look at the past or future. I have today, to experience, to share in tears and laughter. You know the feeling when your being wants to make a sound that between frustration and disgust. A deep rooted sound that resounds, but stays buried underneath. It’s that calm before the storm. The calm of the scream or the tears will emerge in pain. So many can identify with “this” pain, yet I have to own this one, different from the next, nonetheless a sense of loss and hurt.
No one deserves what I have to see this sickness I see right now. NO ONE! Yet, there is a room full of Hospice people watching the people they love holding on to life, not wanting to face the idea and to hold on to what is real. The voices, the touch, the laughter of family of friends who share about old times, it’s a soothing sound, a sound that would be so hard to want to let go. (There’s that sound again.) Then, the other day this cry out to God demanding the want to die, she has prayed and prayed to end the suffering she has endured (I’ll never forget those words and the agony behind them). “Please God, I’m ready to go.” What is your response? What can you do? Do you affirm that, “ok” and be content that she is right and it’s ok to have this prayer?
Seriously, all that’s left are hugs that will last a life time. (There’s that sound again.) They fade. That hug that fell over my grandma, gone. What did that feel life? The last hug I gave my mom. What? It existed. The idea is there, but the touch. Not only is the loss by not seeing them anymore. What about that touch? The embrace by grandma that is indescribable. You see, one more person and your memory becomes a whirlwind spiraling around and around, hoping the feeling is JUST LIKE you’ve experienced before so the pain will not be different and you can convince yourself that “I’ve been through this” and you take a deep breath and enter right now in a different manner. Nope, or is it?
Who knows. No one welcomes death, especially those who sit and watch a life lose its shape. This time, you don’t have to wonder what’s going through her mind. She has verbalized very clearly what is plaguing her thoughts. The two other times, silence. There’s nothing to be said, it’s too hard. “I don’t want to die.” They had a life they can never replace and the pain they felt. She feels pain, but she’s hoping she can convince herself that death doesn’t scare her. She worries that something will go wrong and no one will be here, to comfort, to give her peace that she’s not alone. She wants to hold on or is it that she just wants the security of someone who loves her, knowing that again, she’s not alone. This is a big thing. A moment in their life where you can’t leave those who are preparing to die alone, a fear of death? No, a fear that they “wake up” and no one is here. Someone SHOULD be here. What reason, every morning she woke up for 62 years, 42 years old they woke up without the thought of someone was there when they awoke. They didn’t have this anxiety if they couldn’t see someone. This time, it’s the act of a little child; it’s the mind of a child who searches from the comfort in the presence of someone else. They go from a strong-willed adult to a plea of childlikeness. Who can blame them? Who can’t blame the need for other people to give them whatever they need, immediately. You don’t have a child who you want to make sure comforts are present. This is it, they are not just born, they are just dying. They are only little for a little while and they are just older for a little while, no one stuck in their “age” for a long period of time. You can only do what you can in their NOW despite the length of time.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Free


Sickness consumes her body and soul

A woman too young to die

Fighting the battle to stay alive

Day in and Day out she lies - unable

to do the things she used to

Hiding behind fear and strength

She pushes ahead

Time is her enemy

Nothing left to do

Her grasp on the world

is loosening

Holding onto the memories of the past - she

drifts in efforts to live a better tomorrow.

Free or pain.

Good-bye mom!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Growing

Today different than yesterday
Sometimes never the same
The same feelings remain
while learning to grow, to live.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Awakening

by anonymous
A great read! Be inspired!
A time comes in your life when you finally get it.
When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries enough!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And like a child quieting down after a blind
tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realized it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness,
safety, and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neighter Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginning, for that matter) and that any gurantee of 'happily ever after" must begin with you.
And in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are and that's OK.
They are entitled to their own view and opinions and you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself.
And in the process, a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. You stop
complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself.
And in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers. You begin to accept people as they are and over look their shortcoming and human failties.
And in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realized that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is a result of all the messages and opinions that havae been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing.
You begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown or should havae brough into to begin with
And in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing.
You stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" , looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holdds together the foundation upon which you must build life.
You learn that you don't know everything.
It's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsiblity and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. How to love. How much to give in love. When to stop giving and when to walk away.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have.
Then you stop trying to control people, situation, and outcomes and youlearn that alone does not mean lonely.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs
You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want thing and to ask for the things you want. And sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindess, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.
And you learn that your body really is your temple and you begin to
care for it and treat it with respect
You begin to eat a balance diet, drink more water and take more time to excercise. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you getin life what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything world achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working towards making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all . . . FEAR itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears because youknow that whatever happens
you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right live life on your own terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living
under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair.
You don't always get what you think you deserve and the bad things happen to unsuspecting good people
On these occassions you learn to not personalize things.
YOu learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with eveil in its most primal state...the ego
You learn that negative feeling such anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and
redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about, a full refreigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly you begin to take responsiblity for yourself and by yourself and you make yourself a promise to nver betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind
And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand.
You take a deep breath and you begin to design, as best you can, the life you want to live.
The End

Monday, July 21, 2008

Phillipians

Random Reading - comes with random words. See what you can make of it :)

Moses talks face to face
Paul has an ACTIVE relationship

Jesus says "Let me be near you"
Israel says, "Give me a king"

It's a terrifying realizaation to be intimate, I mean intimacy is revealing ALL that you ARE or are NOT.

It's far better to let someone else talk about what they see, and have them EXPERIENCE God and come tell us about Him, right?

Phil 2:12

Ah, maybe it is here we draw the line - we are to work salvation out for ourselves

It's 3 in the morning, dark, lonely, and no else is around. Nope, not a single soul answers their cell phone. Your only hope....

Is to stop being satisfied with others experiences and press in (I'm thinking of David's heart)

Some press deep to know him
Others will wait for others to bring Jesus to them - a sad price to pay.

My favorite part Psalms 62 and 43
It's OK to wrestle with God.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Principles for Relationships with Children

For those who spend their time working with kids, something indeed to remember.

I am not all knowing,
Therefore, I will not even attempt to be.

I need to be loved,
Therefore, I will be open to loving children.

I want to be more accepting of the child in me.
Therefore, I will with wonder and awe allow children to illuminate my world.

I know so little about the complex intricacies of childhood.
Therefore, I will allow children to teach me.

I learn best from and am impacted most by my personal struggles.
Therefore, I will join with children in their struggles.

I sometimes need a refuge.
Therefore, I will provide a refuge for children.

I like it when I am fully accepted as the person I am.
Therefore, I will strive to experience and appreciate the person of the child.

I make mistakes. There are a declaration of the way I am - human and fallible.
Therefore, I will be tolerant of the humanness of children.

I react with emotional internalization and expression to my world of reality.
Therefore, I will relinquish the grasp I have on reality and try to enter the world as experienced by the child.

It feels good to be an authority, to provide answers.
Therefore, I will need to work hard to protect children from me!

I am more fully me when I feel safe.
Therefore, I will be consistent in my interactions with children.

I am the only person who can live my life.
Therefore, I will not attempt to rule a child's life.

I have learned most of what I know from experiencing.
Therefore, I will allow children to experience.

The more I experience and the will to live come from within me.
Therefore, I will recognize and affirm the child's will and selfhood.

I cannot make children's hurts and fears and frustrations and disappointments go away.
Therefore, I will soften the blow.

I experience fear when I am vulnerable.
Therefore, I will with kindness, gentleness, and tenderness touch the inner world of the vulnerable child.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Miss You

No one knows when or why. What changes in the earth to say, “Ok, our time is over.” Nevertheless, here we are walking, living, breathing to make for ourselves a life. Our lives hold many things such as: warmth, trust, and love. None of us given the guarantee of tomorrow, but here we are in unity. Eyes tell a story all their own, laughter reminds us of cherished times. Tears remind us of all those emotions words could never capture.

I will always remember this woman. A woman who gave life. This woman her provided love (in her own unique way). Her life tells me a story. I want to be like her – strong, never a discouraging word. She had cancer – in her bones, in her body, on her brain. You never heard this woman say, “I can’t.” Doctors said, “She won’t be able to walk anymore”. She scoffs. With a walker in both hands – she was going to try. Pain in her steps but that didn’t stop her. This woman had determination. She had a reason to embrace her everyday.

I get angry sometimes. I want to blame her for not being here, for dying. Some days – rage sits in and my hopes she’ll appear somewhere and say, “Calm down, I’m right here.”

As I write – she begins to come alive. The way she walks, slow, and steady. Her laughter as it carries through what I once called “home”. Her character as “Mom” – begins to take form. As I can freely express anything, I wish. No, she’ll never come back, but this is where I can keep her alive. I can include her in tales of my past, present, or future. Whatever role I wish her to fill.

I wonder why I keep writing about her? I never use to. Oh, she was never dead. I stopped writing for pleasure less and less when she died. I became enveloped of her non-return that my words would tear me apart. I had to keep it together. I had to demonstrate cohesiveness. I was trying to finish my degree. “Tears don’t bother me” – I would say to myself.

However, I remember at night and early into the mornings I would cry. I would embrace your final days – playing and replaying what I could have done to keep you alive. I was so close to graduating – and you were so excited. My goodbyes were harsh and without emotion. I didn’t know exactly what to feel.

Two days ago, you were on the phone – you were laughing – telling me to stay out of trouble. After that, a coma? C’mon – Can’t be that easy. Doctors say that’s what happens before a body begins to spiral downward – their speech so clear – their mind so free. Funny. Weeks/ months before her thoughts were idle as she lay in her hospital room. I was a small girl to her. “Amy, I told you to clean your room!” she would blurt out. “Stop hiding!” as she would raise her heavy head as to look for me. I’m sitting in a chair next to her. “Mom, it’s ok I’m right here.” For month’s that’s what it was – I was the parent. I had to feed her. She told me, “No” once – what do you do? I gave her the spoon and Jell-O was everywhere. My mom was losing a battle and my mind never caught on.

So, here I am 29. My mom gone from this world and I on a journey of “new normals”. I hope to be carrying out a legacy – embraced with a passion of working with children as my mother did for so many years.

“Does life get easier?”
That’s hard to say. You constantly have to teach and re-teach yourself how to live. You only know what works.

This is definitely a journey shared my many – some go through it like myself – swallowing hard and hoping not to fall apart. Others cry when they’re sad and laugh when they’re happy. Whatever keeps you going.

I do know, you can wish it never happened until you are blue in the face, but guess what? It’s real. Everyday, it’s real.

One day I will embrace understanding – one day I will embrace her unspoken love as a means to be reminded – it’s ok to miss her for now, and to know I’ll always be her daughter. Nothing can take that away.

Heartache

Beating, Slowly, remembering the pain
Shortness of breath, mute
Swollen, tired, as they watched you died
outstretched, weak, your child

Another day comes - I stand looking at myself in the mirror - fix my shirt collar - and take a deep breath. How days have I done that 3 years 4 months and 14 days. You would think my mind would catch on. That's my life, now. How in 3 years I've done all the thing you would have never imagined. Make-up, highlights, clothes my size, a career. Done. You made this journey I'm on kind difficult, are you aware of this? I want you here, I do. This pain has infected my heart - causing me to miss you. This infection eating away, creating an empty space you once filled.

My "I Love Yous" are long overdue, my quiet laughter as I remember your own laugh are kept sealed away. I try to contain you in a small box, but I can't - you affect my everyday. Mom, help make this easier on me, I'm tired. Please wake me from this dream to hold me to tell you love me. I think inside my heavy laddened soul in receiving a rainshower. My tough facade is becoming weak, "it's ok to miss her" it whispers.

My body tightens and I stop breathing. Another blow at reality. Everything I do, is for me now. Five years from now it won't hurt this much, but I gotta get through it now. I wish our goodbyes were better produced; than mine flirting with the idea of telling you to "fight" or saying "its ok you can go." No matter what we endured; rather you endured the sleepless nights, crying for my safety, wanting to help but didn't know how. I endured wall building and apathy.

We can't rewind time - (trust me, I want to). Tears in my eyes, memories of you parade around my thoughts - I catch one, I'm reading to you, we laugh. A still frame. Good-bye Mom. I love you. Good-bye - two words (oxymoron). "Good something well done, you appreciate "Bye" finality - departure.
Gone, you, yes, - well done? Not really.

However, this marks neither the beginning or the end, but a "new" mark in life (as many countless words and writings will convey). It's har - "grief" a process not a race. I'm gonna miss you for a long time - because life has its ways of keeping you close. My mind knows you are supposed to be alive - that you dying is not okay. You were tired, you were ready for a place with no more pain. Your strength amazes me.

Musn't have been by chance
you were the one One
Chosen to be our mom
Through the years
Holding on
Expecting to live
Remembering you, Today.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Education?

Let's just say, I'm learning quickly there's a time for......

It's a never ending poiltical game, and its not about kids. It's about scores. The facade is about kids, but at the end of the year its the numbers. The mindset doesn't change. That saddens me. I chose this, because I have something to give, and a number is not what I'm after.

Have you ever read the Little Prince? Third Graders are pilots, and well the rest is History. You want kids to achieve and become great things, lets remind them that choosing the right answer is the only way to achieve this.

For that, I am saddened. I want kids to grow, experience and become someone different. Some, don't care. Where can i go to find this?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hero

I heard this song on the radio today. I love music. For all who do not know this widely known fact, I love words. I love it when I find "just-the-right" words when I'm writing. This song created a peaceful moment. I'm not entirely sure how, but I was content with how the words left me. For now, I'm short with my own words, but needed to leave this mark.


Jo Dee Messina
IF Heaven was Needing A Hero
I came by today to see you I just had to let you know If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time I'd have held you, and never let go Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering I lie in the dark, just asking why I've always been told You won't be called home Until it's your time I guess heaven was needing a hero Somebody just like you Brave enough to stand up For what you believe And follow it through When I try to make it make sense in my mind The only conclusion I come to Is heaven was needing a hero Like you I remember the last time I saw you Oh, you held your head up proud I laughed inside When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd Your such a part of who I am Now that part will just be void No matter how much I need you now Heaven needed you more Cause heaven was needing a hero Somebody just like you Brave enough to stand up For what you believe And follow it through When I try to make it make sense in my mind The only conclusion I come to Is heaven was needing a hero Like you Is Heaven was needing a hero and that's you